From Structure to Freedom, Parenting Alternative Education Paths

Previously, I said I never imagined any of our children not going to mainstream school. I have also written about deschooling and its importance in the transition from school to home education. Now, we find ourselves navigating both at the same time: preparing for one child to return to mainstream school in a couple of weeks while another begins the process of deschooling.

As our older teen contemplates her return to school, we’re anticipating the return of packed lunches, uniforms, homework, school runs, VSware messages and term dates. At the same time, our other child is stepping away from that structure, beginning the slow and uncertain process of deschooling.

It’s a strange place to stand.

I’ve read a lot about deschooling. I know it’s an important transition between school and home education. It needs time, and I’m willing to trust the process. Our son needs the rest and, frankly, so do we. However, I worry that when the school term begins for one, our slow, intentional approach with the other will take a major U-turn and we’ll find ourselves caught on the hamster wheel again.

Every morning, one child will leave for school while the other won’t. One will spend the day following a timetable created by someone else, while the other will begin learning what it feels like to have ownership of his own time. Will I find myself comparing the two, wondering if we’re doing enough with one or if the other is being pushed too much?

School gives us structure. There are expectations, timetables and reports on progress. Deschooling removes all of those things. Admittedly, I do have some anxiety about what lies ahead. While I relish the idea of a calmer journey with our son, I also find it quite daunting.

Sometimes I catch myself fighting the urge to create a timetable, filling every hour that our school-going child is away with something productive for our son to do. Then I remind myself that we’ve chosen this alternative route for him; it doesn’t need to mimic the one we’ve stepped away from.

One of our children will attend mainstream school; one will not. They are different people with different needs. One path isn’t a judgement on the other. Our role as parents isn’t to make our children’s journeys identical; it’s to meet each child where they are.

That sounds so simple when it’s written in a paragraph on a blog, doesn’t it?

There are bound to be practical challenges. There will definitely be emotional ones. There are already moments when doubt creeps in. As one child settles back into school and I juggle work alongside supporting the other, I’m sure there will be weeks when everything feels overwhelming. Family life won’t pause while we figure this out.

We’re still at the beginning of this journey. I don’t know exactly where it will lead, and perhaps that’s the point. Deschooling asks us to loosen our grip on certainty and become more attentive instead; to our children, to ourselves, and to the life unfolding in front of us rather than the one we expected to have. Meanwhile, mainstream school asks us to follow the rules, embrace the routine and be on time.

If there’s one thing this experience is teaching me, it’s that education isn’t one-size-fits-all. Neither is parenting. Neither is childhood.

I never imagined we’d be here, navigating two educational routes. But perhaps that’s what parenting keeps teaching me: the path you never expected can still be the right one.