I have five children; three of them are adults now. When people ask how many children I have, there are three common responses.
The first: “What? How do you do it?”
The second: “You must have been fond of it!”
And the third: “Sure, you know it all.”
Let’s address the first two.
How did I do it?
We wanted children. It wasn’t a straightforward experience, but eventually, we had them. We juggled things, just like every other parent does, regardless of how many children they have. My husband and I embraced parenthood, although neither of us had parents to turn to for help or advice. It was just us, hoping we were doing things somewhat right. Babies are lovely, but my goodness, they are hard work, despite all that cuteness!
And then there’s: “You must have been fond of it!”
That old chestnut.
It’s ignorant and offensive. I used to get so annoyed by it. It’s such a juvenile comment to make, particularly when someone knows absolutely nothing about you, your circumstances, or your journey. Now, in my perimenopausal era, I no longer react.
Sure, you know it all.
I don’t know it all. If I did, parenting probably would be easy, but it isn’t.
Despite the overuse of the word, parenting really is a journey. And five children means five very different journeys.
Some of my children are neurodivergent, which brings additional challenges, adaptations and regular changes. And despite all five of them living in the same home and being raised by the same two parents, they have all been parented differently. We often say we treat our children all the same and, for the most part, we do. But their individual needs are very different, and sometimes treating them fairly means recognising that they don’t all need the same thing.
Our youngest, and the one who is challenging us in a whole new way, is a prime example. Not in a million years would I have imagined that one of my children wouldn’t go to secondary school. And yet, here we are. That’s the thing about parenting. No parent can ever claim to know it all, no matter how many children they have or how old those children are.
Yes, experience helps. You learn. You adapt. You gain perspective. But you never know what’s around the corner, or what fresh challenge might come along. All we can do is meet each one as it comes, try to figure it out, and hope that, somehow, we are doing our best.
Because parenting experience doesn’t mean parenting is easy. It just means you’ve had more opportunities to discover that you never really know it all.